2014 Cranky Bastard Virtual 5K Race

2014 Cranky Bastard Virtual Race Medal

We are a bunch of liars

When we launched the Cranky Bastard Virtual Race last year, we said it was only going to be a one-time event.

That didn’t turn out too well. We had to cap the number of participants due to the number of medals on-hand, so some people did not get to race, and thus missed out on what could most likely be one of the coolest pieces of 5K finisher hardware, ever.

Here’s another thing we learned – People prefer 5Ks. For those just coming to us, a 5K is more accessible and fun; and for those of you fire-breathing speedsters, a 5K offers the opportunity for maximum speed and strong competition.

FUN FACT – Last year’s 5K winner was the 2013 World’s Toughest Mudder, Ryan Atkins. Any of you speedsters gonna chase him down?

It’s big. thick and meaty

Truth be told, we clown Cranky because he is so vocal about disliking medals. We think he’s just trying to be cool, but what better way to taunt him than to create the thickest, highest quality, solid piece of hardware that is so heavy, you have to sign a disclaimer to wear it. Ok, not really, no waivers …but it’s a damn nice medal  – if you are going to bother to offer a medal, make it be something unique and desirable. The Cranky Bastard 5K medal is all that.

Register now – It’s simple, fast and easy

  1. Register online. Same inexpensive entry as last year – $25 (Only 200 slots available)
  2. Decide on treadmill, or outdoor division
  3. {optional} Talk trash on the Facebook event page. Taunt your friends
  4. Break out the Garmin, Suunto, or mobile phone GPS tracking app
  5. Run your 5K. Run the distance as many times as you want, but submit only once
  6. Submit your race time to the Queen of ORM (must include screenshot)*
  7. Watch the rankings pages for your inclusion in the online rankings
  8. Collect your medal **
See the 2013 results – and a funny note about that, the Cranky Bastard Virtual Race actually got picked up by Athlinks.

* To be eligible for rankings, you must submit proof in the form of run tracking data, screenshot, phone picture, etc. If you have any questions, please email [email protected]. We will take submissions through 11:59, January 7, 2015.

** This is a USA-only event. Due to the cost of shipping medals, we must limit participation to USA address runners only. Medals will begin shipping at the end of the race period, January 7, 2015. 



Christian Griffith

Christian Griffith is one of the Co-Founders of ORM. He can also now be found working with GORUCK as the SVP, Marketing.

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  1. Vince Paul McKillop says

    How can we go about getting this in Australia

  2. Tracey Schock says

    Can you join if you are in Canada? I didn’t see the option when in the checkout 🙁

  3. When does this have to be completed by?

  4. I’m going in for spinal fusion on Dec 10 and the wife has never done a 5k, but we’re going to give it our best shot.

    • Christian Griffith says

      @tim: this is awesome. Please let us know how it goes. Hell, let the whole community know. That’s really cool.

  5. I ran my 5k on Saturday, emailed my time and a screen shot of my running app. How will I know if everything got received, is there a confirmation email that gets sent out?

    • Christian Griffith says

      Hi Denis: thanks for emailing. We will begin posting results soon. Once we do, we will make an announcement, and you will begin to see results flowing in.


  6. I ask my g/f and her 6 & 8 year old for my Xmas present they have to do this with me. Do i need to submit 4 time proofs or can i just submit the 1 since we will be doing it all together.


    • Christian Griffith says

      To secure times for each individual, please order one race registration per individual, and submit times for each person individually. Thank you.

      • can i order all 4 at the same time or do i need to sign up 4 times.


        • Christian Griffith says

          Hi Serhot – like Active.com or most race registgration sites, it’s necessary to do four separate entries. Thanks.

  7. Mike Farrell says

    is it limited to the best 200 times or the first 200 to sign up?

    • Christian Griffith says

      Hi Mike – we are limiting the race to first 200 signups; all race participants submitting times will be recognized.

  8. Any available entries left?

  9. Don’t see my results up on time board, sent it 2 weks ago. I also posted pic and time on face book page.

    • Matt B. Davis says

      David, please email val at obstacleracingmedia.com and she can look into for you. Thanks!

      • Thanks I try to email her again. For some reason my comp keeps kicking the emails back .Why I do not know.

  10. mark yabut says

    when you guys sending the medals?

  11. Just wondering when to expect a medal? Its been 3 weeks since the date it was said they would be shipped.

    • Christian Griffith says

      @Mark – Thanks for checkin’ in. A majority of the medals have been shipped, with the remainder going out everyday. Also, when you do get your Cranky 5K medal, be sure to take a creative photo with it and share with us.

  12. Have all medals been shipped? I have not received mine yet

    • Christian Griffith says

      @Peter: Thanks for writing. It is my understanding that, yes, all medals have been shipped out (at least to those who have submitted times). If you submitted, and did not get a medal, please email [email protected], and she will take extra special care of you.

      Thanks brutha