7 Things Only Male Runners Deal With

Runner Problems

Sweaty Balls– Balls get super duper sweaty, it’s not pleasant. It causes rashes. The more you run, the more you rash. I like running a lot. So I rash a lot.

Penis Swinging– No other way to say it. Dick’s be swingin’. I thought I was the only one with this issue. Then I saw that scene from Juno, and was all “Yep, that’s exactly what it’s like”.

Being Gawked At– If you are a super hot piece of man-flesh like me, people wills stare at you. Girls, guys, kids, it doesn’t matter. The staring happens and questions are asked, often out loud. “Who is that hot man?” “Where is he running to/from?” “I wonder what his hopes and dreams are?” It gets super annoying by mile 4.

Not Earning While Running – As a man, we earn money. If we are out running, we typically are NOT earning. So, the more you run, the less you earn. If you like money and you like running, sometimes you have to make a choice between the two. That sucks.

Dumping In Public – Everyone knows men spend up to half the day on the can. If you are a runner, some portion of that day, may be no where near a toilet. We are forced to find trees, strangers houses, or dumpsters to use. It’s not always pretty.

Did I mention the sweaty balls?

Nowhere To Hide Your Gun – As a man, part of our job is to protect everyone around us at all times. When a guy goes out running, many times he has to ask himself, “Where do I put my weapon?” Guns tend to be too heavy to rest in waistbands. Backpacks can be a solution, but then how quickly can you pull that hand cannon out, should you need to protect?

Next time: How can I parent effectively and still make Crossfit 10 times a week?

Photo: Ross Woodhall

Matt B. Davis

is the host of the Obstacle Racing Media Podcast and the author of "Down and Dirty-The Essential Training Guide for Obstacle Races and Mud Runs". He is also the only (known) #wafflehouseelite obstacle racer.
  1. Guns are unnecessary. Real men can kill with their bare hands. (Real women too, and far more efficiently.)

  2. This is the stupidest thing on the internet. I speak with some amount of authority. This is the lamest thing ever. EVER.

  3. And my comment is awaiting moderation…in case the author/editor/publisher doesn’t agree with me. If he/she/it doesn’t, I’ll just post about this entire thing on my blog, because this is TERRIBLE!

  4. Any post that makes a Juno reference has to be valid… and yes the sweaty balls is an issue

  5. #1: women earn money too
    #2: you don’t need a gun to run? if you were an actual athlete you would be focused on the run and on your fitness
    #3: women probably get gawked at way more then men, get over it.
    #4: who the h published this

    1. Hi Janice, Thanks for reading.
      #1 Where do women earn money? Not sure what you mean by that, like you mean they have jobs and stuff? #2 Obviously I need a gun to run, why would I make that up? #3 I know I am an actual athlete, because I actually ran outside today. 4. I believe it was published in obstacleracingmedia.com.

  6. As a female runner who just read the 7 things Female Runner’s Deal with I thought this was hilarious and totally on point. I actually do wonder how guys deal with the penis swing when they are wearing loose shorts(though I suppose they can just wear close fitting underwear). It seems like it would be just as painful and irritating as boobs flopping around during a run.

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